|  Author | Topic: Pie In the Face Skits (Read 18,091 times) |
Stooge
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|  | Pie In the Face Skits
« Thread Started on Aug 5, 2003, 10:24pm » | |
We had this on the last forum and I am always open for a good laugh. Anyone got some good ones? I will add one or two later.
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blackbird
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #1 on Aug 21, 2003, 9:10am » | |
This skit requires 3 people: a cop, a creaminal (criminal), and an attorney. I’ve never done this skit, but I came up with a good parody of the miranda rights. I picture the creaminal sitting in a chair with the attorney standing behind him/her and the cop facing both of them with a table full of pies between. I hope you like it.
Cop: [pies creaminal in face] You have the right to remain pied.
Anything you say can [cop pies creaminal’s left ear] and will [cop pies creaminal’s right ear] be pied against you in a court of just desserts.
If you are under the age of 18, anything you say can be pied[cop pies top of creaminal’s head] against you in a cream court piesecution for a creamy offense and can also be pied [cop pies creaminal in face] against you in an dessert court creaminal piesecution if the creamy court decides that you are to be pied [cop pies creaminal in face] for just desserts.
You have the right to pie [creaminal pies attorney in face] to an attorney before answering any questions.
You have the right to have your attorney pied [cop pies attorney in face] during the questioning.
If you cannot afford a pie, one will be given to you [cop pies creaminal] without cost, before or during questioning, if you desire.
Do you understand these pies?
creaminal: I’m innocent. You’ve got no pie on me!!! [Looks down at clothes] Wait maybe you do, but here’s some on you too. [creaminal pies cop]
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piemedave
Pied Face
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #2 on Aug 21, 2003, 12:44pm » | |
Wow great skit! If I'm counting right, that's 7 for the creaminal, two for the attorney, and 1 for the cop. I'd love to do it -- dibs on being the creaminal (at least for the first run through 
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DeepPan
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #3 on Aug 30, 2003, 9:51am » | |
The Pie Booth
This brief short requires three participants: one apparent target sitting on a chair (or locked in a set of stocks) before a banner that reads "Pie in the face", a maid (or pieman) and a customer.
CUSTOMER: What's this?
MAID: It's a pie in the face booth.
CUSTOMER: How much?
MAID: One pound a go.
CUSTOMER: OK here's a pound [passing the Maid a coin.]
MAID: [Starts to pass a pie to Customer] Here you go then [but instead smashes the pie in to the Customer's face.]
CUSTOMER: What did you do that for?
MAID: Like I said, it's a pie in the face booth.
CUSTOMER: But I thought I got to throw a pie in their face [pointing at the Target.]
TARGET: Now why would I want a pie in my face!
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John C. Kirk
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #4 on Aug 30, 2003, 10:45am » | |
Actually, speaking of the old forum, I saw this comment there from Sally:
Quote:By the by, remember I talked about the Weakest Link head to head game in another thread? Well, it's happening in August, definate now.
I'll be learning all the answers to all the questions. It'llk either go perfectly to plan, or it'll be a double bluff and th quizmaster will change my questions.
I'll keep you all informed. |
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(from May 23rd, under "Skits with Pie Throwing" subject)
Did that all go according to plan, in the end?
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Shane
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #5 on Sept 1, 2003, 6:11pm » | |
I'm currently working on a page for the website to show all the skits that have been posted on our forums. We have a lot from the old forum which I'll post the link to the thread here. Skits with pie throwing
It's going to be a little bit till I get this page up, I'm still working ont he first wave of updates. I've been spending the whole day today working on them.
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Sally
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #6 on Sept 5, 2003, 12:02pm » | |
No, decided against it in the end. Think I was enjoying the lovely serenity of it all to add any real mayhem.
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DeepPan
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|  | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #7 on Sept 23, 2003, 7:12am » | |
Here’s a routine inspired by a sketch I (vaguely) recall from the Kenny Everett Show.
ASSISTANT: Good morning/afternoon sir, how may I be of assistance to you?
CUSTOMER: Can I have one of those (pointing at pies behind counter) please?
ASSISTANT: Certainly, here you are sir (picks up pie and hands it to CUSTOMER.)
CUSTOMER: Thank you (takes pie and smashes it into the ASSISTANT’s face.)
ASSISTANT: (Wipes pie cream from face) Will that be all sir?
CUSTOMER: No, can I try that one (pointing to another pie) also?
ASSISTANT: Of course (hands CUSTOMER another pie.)
CUSTOMER: Looks good (then again smashes it into the ASSISTANT’s face but this time deposits the empty pie plate on top of the ASSISTANT’s head.)
ASSISTANT: (Once again clears some of the pie cream form their face) Anything else sir?
CUSTOMER: How about those two (pointing at two pies behind the counter.)
ASSISTANT: Certainly (carefully hands CUSTOMER both pies.)
CUSTOMER: Could you lean forward a little (waits for the ASSISTANT to lean forward then sandwiches their head between the two pies.)
ASSISTANT: (Clears pie cream from eyes, mouth and ears) Anything else?
CUSTOMER: What about that one?
ASSISTANT: Allow me sir (picks up pie and smashes it into their own face.)
CUSTOMER: No that one not quite right either, how about that (pointing to penultimate pie) one?
ASSISTANT: Here you go sir (hands CUSTOMER the pie and waits patiently to receive it.)
CUSTOMER: Thank you (once again smashes the pie into the ASSISTANT’s face.)
ASSISTANT: How was that one sir?
CUSTOMER: Perfect, just perfect, I’ll take one please.
ASSISTANT: Certainly sir (picks up final pie and smashes it into the CUSTOMER’s face.)
CUSTOMER: Hey want wasn’t in the script!
ASSISTANT: (to audience) Yes but aren’t you glad I did it?
The End.
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tommy
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #8 on Sept 24, 2003, 12:06pm » | |
Thanks DeepPan. That is a good skit. Very funny. It's similar to the "Love American Style" short sketch which was discussed on the old forum. In the LAS skit, a woman stood at a table which held several pies. There was a sign above her that read :"PIE SALE". A man approaches her and points to one of the pies, which she picks up and smears in his face. He shakes his head"no" and points to another pie. She picks up that pie and, again, smears it in his face. This happens two more times before he ( after she pies him a fourth time) shakes his head "yes", gives her money, waves goodbye to her, and leaves. There is no dialogue in this skit. The guys facial expression --before his face is covered with pie--is of eagerness; she is wearing an innocent smile the whole time.This was shown on the LAS episode as a prelude to the "Baker" episode, also discussed on the old forum. This not only features a group pie fight, but has what I consider the best pie exchange between two people.
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John C. Kirk
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #9 on Sept 24, 2003, 7:26pm » | |
This reminds me a bit of a Bugs Bunny cartoon that I saw last weekend (http://www.jenn98.com/bugs/1947-4.html). Humphrey Bogart (odd to see a real-life character in the cartoon) turns up at a restaurant, and orders Elmer Fudd (the waiter/chef) to make him a rabbit dinner. Cue Elmer and Bugs chasing each other around the kitchen.
Anyway, there's a scene where Bugs disguises himself as a waiter, dashes into the kitchen (through the swinging double doors), and says "I need a banana cream pie", then goes out. Elmer produces one, Bugs comes in, takes it, goes out through the doors, then comes straight back in again, and smashes it in Elmer's face. This is repeated for 2 or 3 different varieties of pie. Then, while Elmer's making the pie (while Bugs is out of the room), he realises that he'll get this one in his face too. So, he calls "Pie ready", but when Bugs comes back through the door, Elmer throws it at him. Bugs ducks, the pie sails out through the doors, and winds up hitting Bogart in the face. He comes into the kitchen, looking less than amused, and reminds Elmer of his countdown for the meal. The cartoon then moves on with other jokes.
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Sally
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Let me think about that...
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #10 on Sept 25, 2003, 10:41am » | |
That would be the one on Dick and Dom
Anyway, my head has given me permission to do a teacher's panto for the kids this Christmas, which I've now written (I work quickly on skits) and there's a couple of pies in there so I'll let you know about those sometime soon. The play is Aladdin.
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AndrewMonroe
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #11 on Sept 26, 2003, 6:49am » | |
The customer / asistant one is virtually identical to a sketch by the late great Kenny Everett, who died in April 1994! His television shows were made in the 70's and 80's.
I could probably find it and see if its the same.
The 'assistant' was Frank Thornton, who now appears as Truly in Last of the Summer Wine.
Andrew
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Sally
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #12 on Sept 28, 2003, 10:34am » | |
Ok, I said somewhere else on the forum that I am writing the staff panto this year. There are two pies in the show, and here are their skits, lifted directly from the script (this explains the weird italics etc)
========
WT: Ok Wishy Washy, I have all the instructions we need here, so you just do exactly what I say. Ok?
WW: EXACTLY what you say?
[WW winks at audience]
WT: EXACTLY what I say, ok, now, let’s start.
Number 1: Get a bowl.
[WW gets bowl on table]
WT: Number 2: Turn on the oven.
WW: Mum, I can’t turn on the oven!
WT: Why not?
WW: I’ll burn my feet on it, it gets dead hot you know!
WT: Silly boy!
Now, number 3 : add flour.
[WW gets bunch of flowers and puts in bowl]
WT: Next, add water. Now I know there’s some water round here somewhere, where is it… Ah, here it is!
[WT goes round audience a little with plant mister]
WT: So that goes in too, lovely. So, mix that together, and you should have a squidgy dough. Have you got a squidgy dough, Wishy Washy?
[WW looks at mess in bowl]
WW: Erm, yes?
[WW looks oddly at audience and shakes head]
WT: Good. Now, number 4: Knead the dough.
WW: Need the dough?
WT: Yes, that’s what it says here, Knead The Dough.
[WW shrugs. Looks at bowl and contents]
WW: I neeeeeeeeeeeed you! I neeeeeeeeeeed you so much! I really really really neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed…
WT: Stop that silly boy! Right, give me that…
[WT takes bowl to background]
WT: Now, we put it in the oven and wait…
[WT passes bowl to stage hand. Both stand tapping for a moment.]
WT: Then, we have…
[Stagehand passes WT pie]
WT: A lovely big cake! There you go, if you follow the instructions, it’ll all turn out well.
[WW winks at audience and takes the pie]
WW: I’ll take that!
WT: Why you… come back here!
[WT chases WW around hall or up and down front.]
[Al re-enters hall through door]
Al: Oh mum, I almost forgot…
[WW pies Al at door “by accident”. Al, WW and WT leave.]
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Sally
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #13 on Sept 28, 2003, 10:37am » | |
And the finale one...
========
Bad: Why not?
[Al grabs lamp]
Al: Because I have the lamp!
[Children respond : hooray]
Bad: That’s not fair! Give me back the lamp!
Al: You want it back?
Bad: Yes! I want it!
[WT passes Al a pie.]
Al: Do you really want it?
Bad: I really want it!
Al: How much do you want it?
Bad: So much!
[Al turns to audience]
Al: Shall I give it to him?
[Children respond : yes]
Al: Shall I?
[Children respond : yes]
Bad: Stop all this messing about and just give it to me!
[Al pies Bad, who runs off]
Bad: I want my mummy!
[Children respond : cheer]
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tommy
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| | Re: Pie In the Face Skits
« Reply #14 on Oct 1, 2003, 1:20pm » | |
The setting is a classroom. Teacher is lecturing students on "Substance Abuse"
Teacher: Class, today I'll be demonstrating substance abuse. May I have a volunteer. (A student raises his hand and is told to go to the front of the class)
Now, class, most people your age are introduced to substance abuse through light substances. Let me demonstrate: (Teacher picks up a bucket of water and pours it over students head). These substances are often used in different forms (takes seltzer bottle and waters down student with it).
Many move on to other substances (picks up bucket of slime and pours over student). Some even combine this substance with other substances: (pours a bag of feathers over student).
Many go on to harders things. (Picks up a carton of eggs and breaks them over students head) Now students, I will now show you the most popular form of substance abuse. (Teacher goes to closet and emerges holding two chocolate cream pies. He stands behind student).
Watch closely, students.(He gives the student a pie sandwich and smears it all over his head).
This usually leads to the need for more. (Again, he goes to the closet and this time gets three pies)
At this point, the substance abuse can get very messy. (He pies student with two pies and places the third on the desk in front of student).
So, class, I hope you've all learned something about substance abuse. Now, let's ask our volunteer how he feels. How do you feel, son.
Student just babbles. His eyes then go crosseyed as his head drops to the desk--right into the pie.
The End
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